Lately I have been practicing metta on a very regular basis. Metta is typically defined as loving kindness and strengthening the part of ourselves that can open to whatever arises in our experience. And whatever arises is so spontaneous, we have no idea when, where, what or who is going to show up. It's hard. It's hard waiting, listening, being present, being patient. I want to know, fix, manage, anticipate, get ahead of etc..
I feel lucky to have my practice, my practice that teaches me that this wanting, striving, hoping, avoiding, is universal. It is THE universal suffering of being a human. There is a quote I heard recently about how hard it is for humans merely to be separated from the divine source. How this separation is the original disconnect so to speak, and just our being born into this earthly plane is enough struggle to explore through our practice - to get to the place where we feel whole again.
To feel whole - a concept I have been exploring since as long as I remember. When I was 10, I remember putting on my mother’s lipstick, looking in the mirror and staring at myself, and her and saying.. “I am ME, and you are you.. Isn’t that crazy? I am me and you are YOU”. This being separate has always been somewhat of an enigma.
Over the years I have learned, through myself, through others, through books, classes, lectures and ultimately just by pausing and feeling it all that the belonging, the connection I so desperately was seeking is available inside me. And not as something I can understand or do something to get, but rather something I can continue to create and choose to embody. At any time. In any place. No matter the circumstances. The belonging is there in the attitude, in the attention, in the willingness to stay and practice the metta through reflection, meditation and continued kind and courageous action.